Kid: Mrs. We-Wums! (crying hysterically)
Me: What's the matter sweetie? (giving a hug, of course...)
Kid: Bobby* made fun of my girfwend!
Me: Ohhhh.....how did that make you feel?
Kid: I'm not vewy happy.
Me: I'm sorry you're sad. What did he say?
Kid: He said she is not my girfwend!
Me: Well, I am sorry that you are sad, but I bet what he meant was that in kindergarten we don't really have boyfriends and girlfriends. We just have friends that are girl and boys. We are all friends. Isn't that special that we can do that?
Kid: No, but fo' weal..she is MY GIRFWEND!
Me: What is your friend's name? (trying to change the subject)
Kid: Pawina (Paulina...I'm guessing???)
Me: What do you and Paulina do together?
Kid: Go out dwinking togeder. (Who is the DD...I'm wondering?)
Me: Go out drinking together? What do you drink? (I've been teaching kinder long enough to know to never assume and always ask questions)
Kid: You know...like at cool.
Me: It's cool?
Kid: Nooooowwwwaaaahhhhhhh.....like at COOL!
Me: Like at school?
Me: You mean like milk from the cafe'?
Kid: Yeah. Sometimes chocolate, sometimes stwawbeweeeeeeee, and sometimes, you know...the ugly kind.
Me: The white kind?
Me: Where do you drink?
Kid: At the pawk.
Me: At the park? Was anyone with you?
Kid: Nope. Well maybe my mom. I was fouw and she was six.
Me: Oh, so she is 2 years older.
Kid: No, I six now too!
Me: OK. Sounds like she is a pretty neat friend. Go back to your station. Thank you.
Another Kid: Mrs. Williams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (crying hysterically...real tears)
Me: What's the matter sweetie?
Kid: MY. PENCIL. IS. NOT. LISTENING. TO. ME!!!!!! (Hmmmmmmm.....)
Me: What are you telling your pencil?
Kid: I'm telling it to do its work and it's not listening!
Me: Oh, I'm so sorry. You must be frustrated. Sweetie, does your pencil have ears?
Kid: (defeated) No....
Me: Could you hear without your ears?
Kid: (defeated yet again) No...
Me: Well, since your pencil doesn't have ears, you might just want to make it do what you want it to do. It probably won't listen very well. And you'll be sad. Be the boss of that pencil. Go sit down.
Kid: Okeeeeeee......Dokeeeee! Mrs. Williams, you're a good teacher.
Me: Thanks. You are a good kid.